The perks of being unavailable

“The perks of being unavailable” is the title [1] of a podcast episode in the series, What’s Essential by Greg McKeown. Greg and his work came to my attention last year when I read his book: Essentialism, The discipline of doing less. A key takeaway for me from the book was about boundaries. In particular, the choices I make to do/not do something.

Responsibility for precious personal resources

Everyday there are choices about what gets my time, my attention, and my energy. These are precious personal resources that have finite capacity. I choose where to spend these, and how much I spend. I’m intentional in using a financial metaphor, ‘spend’. It helps me to think of these resources as having a quantity, and the potential to apply a budget for apportioning these for things that are important to me.

You can easily give away your time, attention and energy by being very available, without thinking about the consequences. It may feel selfish to hold back, or restrict what you expend. It may be obligation or guilt that influences your choices. This becomes a more challenging matter when mixing the personal with work circumstances.

With a Self unLimited mindset, you recognise that you take Responsibility for your Resources in your workscape. This includes tangible resources like your tools, as well as intangible resources like your time, attention and energy. You choose what to utilise and when, and importantly, how to restore or replenish your reserves.

For these intangible resources, only you truly know how much you have and how much you can expend for a good outcome. Yet, they don’t come with easy forms of measuring. Sure, we know we each get 24 hours in a day, but there’s no absolute form of quantifying attention or personal energy. We can only use language like “partial” or “full” for attention, and “high” and “low” for energy. Don’t let that be a reason to not to give some thought to how you personally might choose to quantify these resources. Determine what language or concept works for you, and let that be your base form of measurement.

Thinking about boundaries

So back to the matter of boundaries. What are the boundaries of when, where and how much you expend of your precious intangible resources? Are there rules-of-thumb that can serve you to quickly make decisions when needed?

You might be reading this and thinking: Sure, one day I’ll think about this but it’s not an issue right now. If you defer your decision about what is your boundary until you need it, then you have no means to know whether you are approaching a boundary, and what steps to take to turn back or avoid crossing it. It’s also likely that at the time of a boundary crossing that you will be in an emotionally challenging state as your internal compass is reacting to a potential boundary violation. In such moments, you are cognitively not in the best frame of mind to make considered choices. You will act in a default and habitual manner, often tapping into the more baser instincts of a human that feels in danger. It’s likely to be a manner that you might not have realised, was the sum of your past experiences of problematic choices.

You can get on the front foot, by reflecting on what has happened in the past; calmly consider in the present; setting your desires for future behaviour. You won’t make perfect decisions about boundaries in your present, but they will be good enough. You’ll want to revisit your decisions as you learn about yourself and your reactions in different circumstances. It takes time to find a good fit, but you are on a good path to exploring the contours of the boundaries you choose. You’ll also get savvy about doing this kind of boundary setting thinking, so when you have new boundaries to consider in other areas of your life, then you are better able to do so.

Time, and your availability, is an excellent place to start. It’s often a proxy for attention and energy; and because it’s more easily quantifiable, it can be easier to set specific boundaries and track your progress.

The employee context

When you work as an employee, you typically sign a contract that states about the number of hours you are expected to contribute and the time frames in which they are contributed. However, for many employees, this feels more like an organisation’s suggested minimum rather than a mutually binding maximum. The power of an organisation, can often overcome your personal power to control your availability. The modern work contract is the result of industrial relations and legislation that attempted to put power in the employees hands by enabling them to hold an organisation to account for what is in the contract.

For many employees, the challenge is the unarticulated culture and protocols that everyone follows. To stand against these is to go against the tide, and expose yourself to discomfort, embarrassment, shame or even reprimands.

You can’t control the culture, however you can influence it. Someone somewhere needs to call out problematic behaviours; role model better behaviours; and take a stand for something different to become possible. It could be you. You could start small. You could gain perks that are valuable to you!

Unavailability boundaries

I’ve set unavailability boundaries for myself. Like:

Saturday and Sunday are not work days.
Time before 8am and after 7pm is not for work.
When I’m in a meeting, my email and phone channels are closed.
Work email, phone and social media channels are not monitored outside work hours.
When I go on leave, I set Out of Office messages indicating my unavailability.
When I’m on leave, I’m not available for work or work related communication.
I turn off Push Notifications on work-related apps on my digital devices. (I pull Notifications at a time of my choosing.)
I don’t read work-related texts or listen to work-related podcasts or videos outside work hours.

There are sometimes exceptions to these rules-of-thumbs, but I knowingly break them for some considered benefit. Thus my internal compass does not feel violated, and I can knowingly manage any consequences.

These are my rules-of-thumbs, set for me and my circumstances. These might not fit you nor your circumstances. Choose one’s that are right for you, and don’t be afraid to be bold.